Before you read…

Please do not jump into conclusion that I’m against the Technological Evolution and make Internet source of all evil. What I try to say, is that I might be more vulnerable and prone to influence of Social Media, that I might have a weaker will, and could be easier manipulated than others. Having that in mind, I’m aware that there are people who can take advantage of my weak spots, and I consciously want to prevent that. On the other hand, I’m sure that there are plenty of laser focussed, mature and disciplined men and women who are immune to any of my points listed below, and they utilise their platforms to expand their friendships, deepen their knowledge and succeed with their businesses. At the time of writing this posts, I’m not yet one of them.

Obviously I will continue to use Internet, but force myself to better control myself by reducing sources of temptation, such us by deleting majority of my Social Media accounts, removing many apps from my mobile phone and closely monitoring time spend online. I strongly believe that opportunities that come with proper use of Internet are the greatest that human kind have ever had to this date, but I just haven’t found my way to utilise them to my advantage.

 

Lets begin…

I have a friend, who lives in Poland. Few years back I asked him, why he don’t have any Social Media account, and his response was that he’s is very careful about his presence in the Internet. There are many ways to interpret his answer: exposition of his personal life to strangers, his personal data being used by companies for marketing purposes (more often than not – without his consent), risk of someone hacking his account, risk of being assessed at job based on Social Media activities, and many others. At the time of our conversation, I was quite active on my accounts, and seeing all the “benefits” of being “connected”, I could not fully comprehend his point of view.

Fast forward few years, and now I myself remove my “existence” from the Internet records. Why? Apart from great risks already mentioned above, there are other consequences of being always connected and within a reach:

  • Addiction

There are many aspects of being addicted to Social and Streaming Media.

Constant need for checking posts of other people, being up to date with latest news from their lives – not only family and closest friends, but also personal idols, celebrities and groups. I got trapped into checking the various groups’ posts far too often, with no personal gain from being always up to date with all the information I was getting (groups like NASA, National Geographic, mechanical watch enthusiasts, travel etc.). Literally I could not apply any of what I learned into my day to day life to improve it, but I spent so much time reading and watching about those different subjects.

“Instant Gratification – satisfactions gained by more impulsive behaviours: choosing now over tomorrow. source: Wikipedia“ This term is being used more and more often in relation to Social Media; when a person makes a post and by receiving an instant feedback (likes, comments, shares), he gains the “shot” of dopamine, hormone of happiness, a biggest type of reward our bodies are capable of producing, which is also very addictive. With time, the same person will post more often, less valuable content, expecting the same or more responses from his “followers”. Lack of feedback can lead to lowered self-esteem, so to increase it, person start routinely faking his own life by posting untruth statements and posed photographs or videos to excite the viewers; unfortunately the long term result is most often opposite to intended. I didn’t get that far, but over time I continually increased amount of SM activity, and I found myself constantly going back to my “just released” posts to see how many new likes I got, and progressively I felt more disappointment after not getting big enough attention.

Feeling the need to be always available, in case of missing something important, such as event, news and gossips, contact from friends or emergency. Not far behind there was also a feeling of guilt for not making connection with others (sending likes in return for received ones, messaging those who are most active on my timeline). On occasion this in fact has happened, and other people with the same addiction got upset for not being contacted or lack of reaction to their posts. It happened few times, when I had to “explain” myself from not giving return likes or messaging people I accepted to a Friend groups (despite I did that on their request, only be kind).

  • Behavioural and mental changes

It is a subject to a debate of how many real life friends can we be socially active and engaged with, but with most info I found, it is about 50-ish. Our Social Media accounts usually hold more than 200 “friends”, which try to get our attention and time. From those hundreds of people, majority will only be an online “friendship”, and big part of remaining group are those who we know, but would never want to go out with, if we would have a choice (coworkers, neighbours, old colleges from school). But despite that, we share our lives with them, and we follow their activities. I came to a conclusion that to improve my connection with those I really care about, I need to let go of those, who are no longer active in my real life.

Following the subject of online friendships, I have noticed how increasingly difficult was for me (and my friends) to stay focused and engaged in a longer conversation or with a presence of other person. I need to admit that I am an introvert, and this also could play a small role, but allow me explain my observations. When we have an online chat with someone (for example via Messenger), it usually takes one person to text us, then we read it and think of an answer. Some people respond instantly, some think longer before they write back. Here is one of the crucial moments. In real life conversation we rarely think of a best suitable answer for few minutes before we continue with our response. Some online conversations can also continue for hours, because of delayed repossess and available time for writing of the participants. There are side effects to this – doing something, like learning, attending a meeting, being in a group with other people, and continuing online conversation divides our focus between where and with whom we physically are, and with whom we are writing with. Constant anticipation of the signal of incoming message distracts us and makes us impatient. When this continues day, after day, our perception of good manners begin to change and we start pick up our phones in the middle of conversation with someone, during the important meetings, while we study or when we drive a car. Some people sleep with their phones next to the their pillows, “just in case of emergency in the middle of the night”. This is both irrespectfull for anyone around us as well as very dangerous. The fact that we have a freedom of delaying our answer online, for example, to watch something, or to do something else, and come back where we left off and continue texting, causes difficulty in holding physical conversation, because we cannot take breaks when we feel like it, unless we want to end the talk. I personally went through all those stages, and now I also see it when connecting with my colleagues, who pick their phone literally every 5 minutes to check the screen of their phones. It is so annoying.

How many of us came to a group of people, for example during break at work, or in a waiting room, and seen almost every person holding their phones, and nobody talking with each other. It is so much easier to “switch off” the brain and start to feed it with pictures and videos, rather than to force it to a creative and interesting conversation with strangers. We sit together, but we are isolated. Our interpersonal skills become impaired. Been there, done that.

I remember when one day, during break time, I sat with two colleagues at work (a man and woman), and I started conversation about a fashion. At some point I asked what is the style of clothes that wife of a male colleague wear. He stayed quiet for a few seconds, and then said that he actually don’t really know, because the most of their time, apart from taking care of children, they spend in front of TV (Netflix), and they look at the screen instead of looking at each other. When I expressed my surprise to this, a female colleague looked at me with a pity expression on her face and said that this is how relationships look like after few years being together. I have a vivid memory of my parents spending evenings together, talking by the kitchen table, without TV, and this is what I see as a normal (obviously we had TV at home and we watched it, but it was not a centre of entertainment at our home). Our brains are like our bellies – they like easy meal, but just like sweets and fast food, they give us short term satisfaction, but in long term they are harmful – same with consuming media – short term they give us “something interesting” to do, but long term reduce our creative thinking, social skills and attention span.

On many occasions I found myself postponing my “bed time”, just to read another article or watch another video. Obviously once I decided to go to sleep, I found it very difficult (possibly due to blue light emitted from the screen of my device, or caused by all thoughts which I avoided to confront during the day, drowning them with noise of the online media), and in the morning there was usually a crisis when I had to leave the bed. Each time I promised to myself that I will turn off my phone quicker, but later on I fall into the same excuses: interesting subject, last video, just another 5 minutes etc. The same procrastination hit also a my daily planning and exercising.

  • Psychological changes

I try to think of myself as of a person with many interests. The good thing about it is that this helps broaden my understanding of the world, and makes it easier to find common subject with other people. The bad thing is that I find it difficult to focus solely on one subject, as per phrase “Jack of all trades, master of none.” Having access to endless library of reports, websites and videos about any imaginable category, made me literally glued to computer screen for hours each day. I did learned a lot, but at the cost of being physically inactive and unproductive in other aspects of  life, such as social life or travelling (anything that involves being away from internet).

Jumping from subject to subject over time caused other implications, such as impaired short term memory. I have noticed that recently, when I was challenged with a test that required a listening to a short speech and once it ended, answering a few questions. I did not pass this test, because I felt like my memory was “empty”. I believe that main reason for this is lack of training of the memory (obviously), by sole consumption of media. Good example is watching Netflix for many hours each day, when you only absorb the content of the movie, but do not have to engage your braincells. Because information you’ll get from watching an tv episode is impractical and useless, it is kept only in short term memory for few seconds, and then discarded, therefore no exercise of a short term memory, and no use of long term memory takes place. If this behaviour continue for month or years, as a result, our brains find it more difficult to build stronger connections for longer lasting memories. As a consequence, this also affects the concentration, imagination and ability to deep understanding of a problem, task or situation.

The last thing I would like to bring up is maybe the most important – I found myself spending less time alone with my thoughts. It is very important to “listen to your inner voice and listen to your body”. I lost myself in following influencers of the subjects that I was most drawn to at the time, losing my own opinions along the way. Unconsciously I started to follow the trends of consumerism and materialism and felt constant need to for more “things” to be happy. Comparing myself to other successful people who I never met in real life, made me feel like I was wasting my life by “working for others” when I should “live my life to the fullest, be free and independent”. Off course I should, but nothing comes for free, and I need to work hard for the privilege of being free, sometimes by doing things that are not the most enjoyable. Instead of following someones life, I should focus on my own qualities and properties of my body and mind, and try to make the best out of them. But to be able to that, I first must start to listen what’s inside me, and “turn off” the noise around me.

 

All of above examples are a summary of many years of observation myself and my surrounding. Bad habits gradually started to creep up into my life and it was hard to see them with critical eye, especially because this became a norm in my surrounding at home and work. Fortunately I grew up in times when there were no social media, YouTube, online games or Netflix and I didn’t have access to internet from home, so I have a point of reference of how different life can look like without being constantly connected.

 

So after all of this, what is my plan to make a change? In short:

  • stop following people who have no direct impact on my real life
  • stop spending time on watching things that will never have direct impact on my real life
  • create, not consume
  • focus on selected number of topics
  • exercise and spend more time with nature
  • train the brain (read, write, learn, talk to people)
  • listen carefully to my body and mind
  • be content with who I am and what I have
  • and if I feel unhappy, understand the root cause, take to account my limitations and make a plan to achieve what I need, based on my abilities, not others’ opinions

 

We are all different, and no one is perfect. What I shared with you above, are some of the imperfections that I try to overcome. Don’t judge me, let it be an inspiration for yourself to look into your own mirror.

 

Thanks for reading 🙂