Gratitude

I would like to take this opportunity and reflect on how blessed I feel right now.

No, I don’t want to brag about money or stuff I posses. Actually it is quite opposite – I’m lacking a lot of things, which one could say, are necessary to be ‘fashionable’ or ‘at the same page with others’. That’s OK, I can live live with that.

I’m sitting in ‘my’ room (I rent room, not even flat), with fireplace on the screen of my computer. Surrounded by whispering sound of burning wood coming out of the speakers. I lit a scented candle – a Christmas gift from my sister. There is a hot tea in my thermos, so I can pour half-cups every 20 minutes and still have it warm. Two hours ago I eat my own bread, which I baked this morning.

Outside, behind the glass barrier of the room window, I can hear roaring wind, rumbling rain and see endless darkness of the cold winter evening.

I imagined myself being outside in this horrible weather. Walking aimlessly, against the cold wind, feeling rain drops on my cheeks and cold from soaked cloths, which could not resist constant rain. I could not stop even for a moment, as my muscle would start to shiver uncontrollably to keep my body warm. Soon I would feel hunger and thirst. and after that – fear and hopelessness. How do I know? Because I’ve been there and I’ve done that – many times…

It is not the first time, when I sit like now, with overwhelming feeling of appreciation for the little comfort I have. Sipping the tea and allowing myself to be lost in thoughts. Moments like this are so important, because they allow me to remind myself my true values and needs, so often drowned out by the omnipresent, glorified mantras of modern world: “buy this, watch that, follow me,  subscribe”. I find it so hard to keep going my own way, often questioning myself if what I do is my own choice, or someone else’s.